Dumb Quotes

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Don’t knock masturbation — it’s sex with someone I love.

I am at two with nature.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

THE
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Pat: Talk it out, you’ve got 10 seconds to solve it.

Contestants: The Tire, The Fire, The Wire, The Ride

You guys are unique in your own way

~~Trading Spouses mother on her “new” family

I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our fifty-two states.

Life is indeed precious, and I believe the death penalty helps affirm this fact.

And now the sequence of events in no particular order.

I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.

I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.